Year One

So I'm pretty sure you're not going to read this, at least I don't think you will seeing as how you've never been much of a blog type of person.

But today was our one year anniversary. It was exactly one year ago since that night when we laid out on the side of your house, sprawled out on top of your Batman blanket and watched for falling stars. Exactly one year ago since we started rekindling the love that we would have shared years ago if we both had the wisdom then that we do now. Exactly one year ago since you asked me to be your girlfriend.
And just recently, you asked me to share the rest of my life with you. And I answered yes with the same enthusiasm that I did one year ago.
I love you Derick
I hope you know that you still give me butterflies

Mr. Blue Sky

I have ELO stuck in my head. Oh my :)

Oh what a crazy couple of days...

So about two days ago I wrote a very angsty post about how my boyfriend had been incarcerated, and reading that post now, even I think I was being a tad dramatic. I mean, I completely meant everything that I said, but even at that point I knew in the back of my mind that he's tough and he's smart and that he would be safe. Another adjective that I've given him lately is brave. I don't know that I will ever own the courage that is needed to take the blame for the actions of one of my friends. Especially when the penalty for that blame is jail. But I have to say, watching him be that loyal and that brave made me love him all the more...

So here are couple of updates:

- I bought an SLR. And trust me, if I weren't so madly in love with this camera, I would be having a serious case of buyer's remorse right now. Soooo expensive. Well, to a person who is currently jobless, it was expensive. But while Derick and I were wandering up and down the aisles of Best Buy, I spotted the camera, and our eyes locked across a crowded showroom floor. I turned to Derick, pointed at the devilishly handsome Canon Rebel XS and said "I want it, and I'm getting it." He understood my desire and, being the awesome boyfriend that he is, even offered to pay half. But it wouldn't have been morally right to let him pay for my impulse buys so I whipped out my debit card and was the happiest girl on earth... Until about a couple of hours later when the reality of how much money I had spent sunk in. But I have decided to just not think about it :D

On the plus side, this means lots and lots and lots of pictures will be coming soon, and I have to say that I'm pretty excited.

- Also, Derick wants to get me an Xbox. Actually, he's been wanting to for a long timenow. But I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of electronic commitment. I mean, I do want to start playing more video games. And that's just something that's handy to have. But sooo much money goes into it (this coming from the lady who just dropped a good part of her soul on a camera). You have to get Live, and controllers, and a headset, and games... my head is spinning. Although, I feel myself caving, and I don't think it will be long until Derick finally convinces me. But whatever, I do need to start playing more video games anyway :D

Oh dear, what am I going to do with all of these electronics?

Hell

And so ends one of the longest, most hellish, most sleepless nights of my entire life.
Long story short, Derick is holed up in county.
He didn't do anything bad - at least not to the extent that I consider bad.
We were pulled over last night
I was patted down, told to sit on the sidewalk, and was forced to watch as my boyfriend was interrogated and later handcuffed and led to the back of a squad car
Yeah, I felt pretty helpless
And really really angry
But I don't think a cop would have appreciated me telling him to get his dirty paws off of my boyfriend

But the search and the experience with the police was the easiest part of my night.
I haven't slept
At all
Unless you count the thirty minutes when I accidentally dozed off around five thirty and woke up at six
I'm still wearing last nights clothes and makeup
I've got mascara circled around my eyes from sobbing into my pillow every ten minutes
And I've got to say that knowing that the person you love is in fucking county jail, surrounded by the real criminals has got to be the most sickening, most heartbreaking, most torturous feeling in the world.
Especially when you know the real story behind what happened.

Luckily I just received a phone call from him.
He says he's doing fine, and even though I know that they're not about to send him to work making license plates, I'm still worried sick for him
And I guess that him being fine is all that I can ask for in a situation like this.
But damn if I wasn't kicking myself all night for not doing things differently
Not even like the big things that would have changed the course of the night
But the small things
No matter how many times a day you hug the person you love, you don't realize that it's not enough until something like this happens
For all the times Derick and I have shared an "I love you", last night, it just didn't seem like enough. If I had known what was going to happen, "I love you" would have been the only thing that I would have said to him all day.

And while we're on the subject of "I love you", why is that the only phrase we have for something like that???
I'm sorry, but when I finally got that call from Derick, saying I love you just wasn't good enough for what I felt for him right then.
I love you x 1000000000000000000000 would have been much more accurate. But the English language doesn't have a phrase for that yet. I say we invent one


--------- Update ---------

So Derick is now home safe and sound and I'm finally breathing easier. Phew!

What happens

when you and the person that you love want some very different things out of life?
Answer me that.

I am

REALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW!!!!!
I can't tell anybody why though. Just in case things do work out for me in the end
Which, at the way they're going, probably isn't going to happen.

But on a different note, does anyone want to go to San Francisco with me this summer? I was thinking of going by train (Amtrak) and would be leaving on the fifteenth if anyone is interested.

Well, since I can't really talk about what it is that I wanted to talk about, here is the continuation of that meme that I've been doing:

Day 3. What is your favorite television show of all time?

Yikes, that's a hard one. You know, I really do love It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and it is probably one of my favorite shows of all time, ever. Buuuut, I have to be honest. And some of you will laugh at me. But I freaking love Roseanne. No joke

That show is just super relatable and I can see a bit of one of my family members in each character. Especially the grandmother, yeesh, my own grandmother should've tried out for the part. She wouldn't have had to act one bit :/

Resigned.

First of all, I would like to thank my friend Emily for getting New Order stuck in my head. I hadn't heard Ceremony in forevvver, and it's a nice change from the bluegrass that I've been singing all weekend :D

Yesterday was pretty alright. I did lunch with my friend Krystal at our favorite dive, Carnita's Queretaro. I'm super happy that she's going vegetarian again, so that now I have someone to share my meals with! We split a Mil Amores (Thousand Loves, ooh la la) salad, and moved on to delicious potato bean and cheese burrito. No pictures of that because I was ravenous and totally was not thinking about pictures at the time.

Then we went out with her and her friend Ziad and they taught me how to drive. Because I swear to god, I am going to get my stupid license if it kills me!!!!!! Geez! But I actually did super well considering that I hadn't been behind the wheel of a car in almost a year. In fact, maybe just a couple more drives and I'll be set to get my license? Maybe? Hopefully.... Anyway we drove around all over the place until they decided to go check out a potential "ghost hunting spot."

Now, Krystal, is a bit of a chicken, but I have to give her credit because she seems always down to go ghost hunting. But this particular spot was waaaaaaay out in the boonies. Like, down by Horizon City kind of boonies. It's like this ruined gazebo thing that is next to some old abandoned "haunted" house where people do like Satanic rituals and things like that. But when we got to the gazebo, it was really hard to believe that it was anything close to Satanic because it was so beautiful. The pillars of the gazebo looked like we were standing in some sort of Roman ruin, and the sun was shining, and it overlooked farming fields and you could just make out the horizon of the west side. Gah, it was so pretty. Luckily I took pictures this time.



Okay, okay. I only took one picture because after that I got distracted by a troupe of quail that were walking by! I freaking love quail. And there were bunnies everywhere too. It was a nature filled afternoon and it was really peaceful too considering I was standing on site that was supposedly haunted.

And guess who was the lucky fella who got to drives us home all the way from the ends of the east side? Me!!! Of course. Although I don't know where they got the idea to stick me on the freeway on my first day. But eh. We made it.

Although I am sad to report that there probably won't be very many pictures for awhile. My point and shoot is on it's last leg, and unless I can somehow make money appear in my pocket to buy myself an SLR, I'm doomed. Which sucks, because I really wanted a new camera just in case that trip to Frisco does work out in the end. On the other hand, the camera I am eyeing is worth probably the same amount as a trip to Frisco.
Everyone, meet the Canon Rebel.


Sigh.
Oh!! And I almost forgot about that meme thing.

Day 2. What is your favourite movie ever?
Well, I don't know that this is my favourite movie ever ever. But is certainly is one of my very very top favorites.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I haven't met a single person who hasn't fallen in love with this movie after they've seen it and I can understand why.
Also, Derick and I have deemed this "our" movie. Teehee. I know, it's corny, but it reminds us a lot of one another. And besides, it's just one of those snuggle up on a rainy day with your love kinds of movies. Right?

<3

Fire

So, here's this meme that's been going around Tumblr and Facebook a lot lately, but since I really don't use my Tumblr anymore, and I don't want everyone on Facebook to see this, I figure I'll post it here :)

Day 1: My favourite song of all time.
Day 2: My favourite movie of all time
Day 3: My favorite television program
Day 4: My favorite book
Day 5: My favorite quote
Day 6: My biggest pet peeve
Day 7: A photo that makes me happy
Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Day 9: A photo I took
Day 10: A photo of me taken over ten years ago
Day 11: A photo of me taken recently
Day 12: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 13: A fictional book
Day 14: A non-fictional book
Day 15: A fanfic
Day 16: A song that makes me cry
Day 17: An art piece
Day 18: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 19: A talent of mine
Day 20: A hobby of mine
Day 21: A recipe
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A YouTube video
Day 24: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 25: My day, in great detail
Day 26: My week, in great detail
Day 27: My month, in great detail
Day 28: My year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles my fancy


Day 1: I don't think I really have a favourite song of all time anymore. And those kinds of questions confuse me a little because there are just so many options. But here's one of my favorite songs that has stayed with me through various times in my life

I've been...

...kind of a bad girl

I bought another dress D:
I know, I know. You won't be able to tell me anything that I haven't already told myself the moment buyer's remorse set it.
You don't have the money for it, blah blah, where will you ever wear it to, blah blah, you already have buttloads of dresses, blah blah, blah...


But, before you judge, take a look at this little beauty of a dress:



Right??? Isn't it super cute?? It's a dress from Modcloth entitled the Pinup Girl dress. And really, how could I not get a dress with a name like that?

If you're still in doubts about my purchase, just hear me out...
I want you to envision exactly what I envisioned the moment I whipped out my credit card.
Okay, so picture this, gorgeous number of a dress paired with:

Some delicious cherry red mary janes


And equally delicious red faux patent leather clutch


A lovely little red rose clip for my hair which will be styled all nice and retro like


And last but not least, some ruby red lipstick to pull it all together


Do you see what I mean??? Gah, why am I such a sucker for dresses?
And you better believe that if the above clutch and mary janes hadn't been about two hundred dollars each, they would have been mine by now

Heyyy

Mama rock me :D

I'm pretty sure that the people in my family are pretty darn tired of hearing me replay and re-sing that song over and over again. But they've been kind enough not to say anything, and besides, after all of these years, I think they understand that I pretty much go for broke when it comes to a new favorite song...

Last night was sooo perfect. So perfect that I couldn't even stay awake long enough to blog about it once I came home. I'm pretty sure that the moment I flopped into bed, I was out cold. Apparently I even stayed that way because when I woke up, the bed looked like no one had even touched it. I was Out. Cold.

But I had every right to be. Lisa's graduation party last night was so fun and was a perfect way to kick off summer nights with friends. Everyone raved about how bomb her husbands steaks were, everyone shared memories that made perfect stories, and wine bottle after wine bottle was opened and emptied. I didn't actually get a chance to see how bomb her husbands steaks were seeing as how I don't eat animals. But it is very rare when the smell of cooking meat is actually appetizing to me, and damn if his cooking didn't turn me ravenous. But don't worry, I stuck with the chips and the potato salad :)

It was lovely.

And, I don't know, I've always had a soft spot for backyard barbeques, even if I never partook in the actual barbeque part. I don't really know why, but I am just so in love with backyards. They're magical. Every backyard I've ever been to, no matter how large or small, has the same cozy home feel to it. And they all have that same dewey, wet grass smell which I realized last night, I am in love with.

Speaking of love, there are a couple of other love related things that I need to mention:
First of all, I don't know if it's the spring/summer/weather/ whatever, but it feels like everyday I'm falling head over heels for my guy all over again, and it's wonderful. We've been together for about a year now, so we've become pretty, really, extremely comfortable with each other. The winter wore us into one another, and we've reached that "knowing what the other is thinking exactly" stage of a relationship, which is really freaking useful. But lately, every time I think about him or see him, I turn into that giddy, excited girl that I was back when we first started dating. And I don't know, but I think this combination is pretty awesome. That comfortable sort of love that couples of fifty years share mixed with that new passionate sort of love that everyone experiences. I love it, and I hope it stays this way forever.

Also, I think I'm starting to really like wine. And not in the way that high schoolers drink wine in a box and say that they like wine. But a true appreciation for it. I mean, I used to work with it a lot at good old Bella Napoli, but I never cared much for drinking it. But now, I'm finding myself craving a good malbec with my larger meals, and last night, damn if I didn't put away like six or seven glasses of cabernet. But I couldn't stop, the flavor fit the mood of the party so perfectly, I just couldn't bring myself to turn down any glass that was offered. Although, I have to say, I now remember why I stopped drinking in the first place. The morning after sucks. I didn't even get drunk and I feel like every cell in my body is screaming for water. Jeez.



But as I was saying, last night was b-e-a-utiful. And it makes me super excited for alllll for the summer nights that we having coming to meet us.
Cheers!
<3

I think I may have turned...

Into a bluegrass lover



I'm sorry that I'm always shoving music down your throats at the very beginning of my entries. Like it's a pre-requisite to be able to read the rest of my blog. But this song has been one of those that has recently embedded itself into my head and heart.
It's a song that I've been playing loudly and on repeat for the past couple of days, which in my opinion, is the only proper way to appreciate a newly found and loved song.

Last night was super fun. I spent pretty much all of it with my handsome devil of a man. Have I mentioned how much I love that guy? I know I have, but I'm in a love-y kind of mood right now and I just want to keep saying it over and over until the world stops spinning.

It wasn't even a truly eventful night, but I consider every second of time that I get to spend with him a treat.

First he came over and we got in some cuddle time. We were actually supposed to go to the movies, but we got a bit lazy and kept putting it off until there weren't any showings left.
"What time is it babe?"
"Uhh...seven ten?"
"What time was our showing?"
"Seven?"
"Oh, well we can just catch the next one."

And it went on pretty much like that until we just kind of figured that the movie thing wasn't going to happen.
From there we went to a park and sat in the car for hours and just talked. I love just talking, especially just talking with Derick because he comes up with some pretty wild notions. And hearing the thoughts that float around in his head is my idea of a good time.
From there we made a burger king run and swung by his place to watch the very first Ironman, which I had never seen. Actually, the movie that we were supposed to go see was Ironman 2 but we both agreed that it would be irresponsible to watch it if I hadn't actually seen the first one.

Looking back, it wasn't a very eventful night but I had so much fun. I think it's because it's slowly starting to turn into summer and summer nights are always a blast, even when you're not really doing much of anything.

Tonight should be pretty eventful though. Derick and I were invited to a graduation party for one of his friends. This sounds like it should be fun because I love the person whose party it is, and I get to dress up! The party is for one of Derick's long time friends, and her husband is throwing it for her at his parent's house because they have a huge backyard. My only concern is that it's a barbeque, and I'm kind of the antithesis of barbeque, what with being a leaf-eater and all. But either way it should be a really great night.
Derick said we might even try going to see Ironman again if we're not too lazy this time :)

Well that's it for my squishy, emotionally driven post :)
Have a great day Bloggerland.

Miracle Drug

Even though I've been diggin' A.C. Newman a lot more than I ever have before in my life (hence title Miracle Drug), this New Pornographers song has been stuck in my head since it was released about a week ago on their new album. You should give it a listen, but I warn you, it's pretty catchy D:




This day was pretty okay. I use "okay" tentatively though.
This morning was crazy.
So I woke up at seven thirty-ish so that I could catch my eight twenty-ish bus to school so that I could take my 10am American History from 1865 final. Needless to say the bus was waaay late, and I made it to school with a good amount of time to spare. But sitting in El Paso morning sun waiting for a bus that I thought was never coming started making me suuuuper anxious. I ran some errands at school, feeling fine the whole time, but then things didn't start feeling very well at all. Everything got really spinny, and my mind couldn't stop racing, and my breaths started getting a lot more shallow, and my stomach started feeling very topsy turvey, until the next thing I know I'm kneeling in front of a toilet, and being really thankful that no one else was in the bathroom with me :/

Honestly, I don't know what happened, like yeah, I've gotten anxiety attacks before, but nothing like this. Usually I'm pretty good about putting a stopper on things like that before they get to me. But for some reason, I worked myself up into such a tizzy that it made me sick. I feel like a five year old :/

I don't know where this anxiety is coming from though. I think it started last night, when right before I tried going to sleep. I thought one thought, and then it turned into another thought, and another, and another, until my mind was going a mile a minute.
Luckily Derick called to say goodnight. And so he got to get an earful of me ranting, and crying, and raving like I was going nuts. Poor guy, all he wanted to do was say goodnight :(

Things started looking up after my little "incident" though. I think I did really well on my history test.
At least I feel like I did well
I hope that I did well...

Then I went off to my last day of Design and had my Woody Allens critiqued. As a class we decided that Mr. Complimentary Allen looked more like a Complimentary Bill Nye the science guy. And we decided that I should do a series of guys that just look like my Woody Allens.
For instance:
Orville Redenbacher (popcorn guy)
And Where's Waldo




So then I just came home and passed out the moment I did :/ and after I publish this, I think I'll probably just pass out again.
Tomorrow is the first day of my summer so tonight, I think I'm probably just going to catch up on all of the sleeping that I didn't do this semester ;)
I hope you guys will do the same :D

P.S. Whenever I'm working on a new post, all it does is give me html and not actual images. Working with html makes me nervous so if anyone can tell me how to change it back, I'd love you forever!

American in Paris...

So about writing an entry a day, everyday until my birthday... I guess I lied :/
Really, I just didn't have anything to talk about.
That, and I wanted to finish my Woody Allens first so that I could have a show and tell

For those who I haven't complained to, my Woody Allens are two low reliefs made out of matteboard, cut and painted to look like Woody Allen. They're for my final project in design and they have been the bane of my existence for the past two weeks...mainly because I'm lazy. Well, I finally finished both of them tonight, and even though it's not my best work, I'm just glad to say they're done.
I'd like to introduce you all to Misters Monochromatic Allen and Complimentary Allen:



The one on the left is made with complimentary colors: Yellow and purple, red and green, orange and blue, etc
The one on the right is monochromatic, even though it doesn't look like it. The base color was what the tube of paint called "Flesh" but I think the person whose flesh it was supposed to match was George Hamilton's because it came out waaaay too orange.



Ba doom chhh. Get it? Eh? Eh? :D

Anyway, everything else is going pretty okay. Well, kind of, not really. I still don't have a job, and I still don't really talk to anyone. And I failed that stupid art history class. Which is really embarrassing, because who fails an art history class? But the cool thing is that I get to retake it in the summer with the badass Dr. Schultz who I had last semester, and who I was pretty teacher's pet-ish with. She's so much fun, and I'm positive that I'll pass the class with at least a high B if she's my professor.
But until then, I'm stuck feeling guilty about my failed class until summer 2 rolls around.

I decided to take summer 2 instead of both summer 1 and 2 because I was supposed to be going on vacation in June. I mean, I still kind of am, but it's only for a weekend to Tucson. The original plan was that my family and my guy were going to go to Tucson to say hi to my aunt and her boyfriend and his kiddos for a few days. Then Derick and I would take off somewhere grand and exciting, and have loads of fun, and make memories and whatever. But of course, that fell though so now it's just me, my family, and some more southwestern desert :/ Don't get me wrong, I love my family and the southwestern desert, but I would've loved escaping to somewhere new with the mister.

On the bright side, I bought a new dress. It's from ModCloth which is a bit ambitious for someone who is currently unemployed, but whatever, I thought it was cute, AND I get to wear it to my friends "wedding" where the bridesmaids have to wear red. (I'm a bridesmaid.)


By the way, is it just me, or is everyone either getting engaged, married, or pregnant? Like it's crazy how many people I'm seeing who are putting up sonograms as their profile pictures. Not that it's a bad thing at all. It's just amazing to me that everyone is moving forward with their lives. And it kind of stings too, because I'm sitting here jobless and frustrated and all of these really good things are happening to everyone around me. Oh well, maybe I just have to wait for my good stuff to happen, right?

Well, I guess I'll write a bit more tomorrow :)
I mean it this time
Wish me luck on my History final and my Design critique!
And I'll wish you luck on whatever it is that you need luck for :)

P.S. Thinking about getting a job at Victoria's Secret. Thoughts?

Chick flicks

Tonight seems like it's going to be a night of movies. Chick flicks to be more exact.

Right now I found myself half watching Pride & Prejudice (Keira Knightly version) on E! while I was flipping through some tumblrs. Personally, I think Mr. Darcy is a jerk. Give me Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre any day. (In their book versions though.)

And then hopefully I can motivate myself into getting in the shower today since I haven't taken one today. I know, I'm gross!

And then while I'm working on my masquerade mask, my texture project, and even while I'm getting a head start on my Woody Allen (I'll discuss that later), I'll be watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I don't care what anyone says. It's probably my favorite movie ever.

Although it's probably going to make me kind of lonely. And it's going to make me want to do some cuddling. I haven't cuddled in a little while now since Derick's been busy...

Then just to lighten the mood, I'll throw in some Mallrats. I could really go for Chasing Amy right now, but I don't own it, and Mallrats is the closest to another Kevin Smith chick flick.

With a couple of art projects to get done, a box of curry next to me, and a good few movies, it sounds like it's going to be a pretty cozy night :)

My heart's on Fire

Before you read the rest of this entry, please press play on the video featured below. This song has the same feeling that today did, and I think that it would set the mood for this entry.

That, and it's just a really good song :)

1. I woke up in soooo much pain. My horrible throat pains. Seriously my throat was raw, and it was actually pretty gross because I woke up in a puddle of my own drool. I mean, it's been happening a lot since I've been sick, since it really hurts to swallow, but this was just ridiculous. I am giving my pillows a very thorough washing tonight

2. Krystal called me, she hurt her knee at the clubs last night and was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. She wanted me to work her shift at Bella Napoli, but I declined. I mean, seeing as how I quit that job and all. And it's funny, because for a split second, I was about to break out my apron and run over there until I caught myself. I guess I do really miss that place

3. We have to make a documentary for my English class on Payday Loans. The problem is, it's a group project and I hate working in groups so much. So I went to Kinley's to meet my group, just hating the world because my bus was late, because I actually have to go and meet a group, because I'm sick and didn't feel well, because I wanted to curl up in bed and watch season 3 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead.

4. I meet my group and start hating the world even more, because the guy in the group is a "leader" type, and I'm the "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself" type, and neither one of us was the letting the other talk. And Payday Loan offices apparently don't give interviews so this documentary seems to be going down the drain

5. So I'm hating the world right? With my sore throat, and an unfinished documentary, and I decided to get some soup at Kinley's because god knows there's nothing to eat at my house. And one of the girls from my group sits down with me because she's waiting for her ride, and starts talking to me. Like actually talking to me. I mean, no lies, she's the socially awkward type, and she told me that there's a reason for that. It's actually a condition, and it actually made me happy to hear that. Not because she has a condition, but because a person that I don't know very well just decided to tell me that. She also told me that it caused her family a lot of stress, and as if on cue, her father walks in right then, the most cheerful looking guy in the world. It made me so happy.

6. So she leaves and I'm chewing on my ramen by myself, and a girl sitting on the couch across from me giggles and looks up at me. I have no idea why she giggled but I noticed that she was barefoot, and I noticed that she was wearing a flowy white skirt, and that she was reading Khalil Gibran. And she goes up to the counter and orders something to drink, and the guy there asks her if she has ever read a certain Syrian author. And I told the girl through my thoughts "I used to be you." Wearing flowy skirts that were as free as I wanted to be, and reading books that would set me as free as my skirt, and going everywhere barefoot without caring about "germs", and striking up conversations about books with random people in restaurants. And I really miss being that girl

7. I left Kinley's and waited at my bus stop, with the bus running late again, but this time I didn't mind as much. The sun was warm, and I noticed a homeless guy sitting at one of the benches. I know it wasn't always safe, but I used to talk to a lot of homeless people at bus stops, and I stopped awhile ago because of the safety issue. But I had to check the schedule that was posted next to him, and I went and we chatted. He was a veteran, like many other homeless men are, sadly. And he told me about his life. Awful things about how he saw his brother dying right next to him in combat, but he told me other things too. Like how his youngest daughter is twenty one and that she's beautiful and that all the guys are chasing after her. It made him happy

8. A guy came over, one of the veterans' friends apparently. He kept looking over at me while he was talking to the man, and finally acknowledged me. He asked me "So, do you go to school here?" I said yes. He asked "So what are you into? Like, what do you do?" Like a robot I asked "What, like my major?" he said "Uhm, sure? I guess." It was the split second that made me realize, I have nothing going for me anymore. No passions, no ambition, no direction. Anything. And this may just sound like a pity rant, but it really upsets me. I used to know what I loved and I loved doing it. I don't anymore... I'm too young for a midlife crisis.

9. Needing some cheering up, I went over to Bella Napoli to say hi to the folks. I miss everyone so much. They were my family, totally and completely, and it makes me sad that I had to leave them. But I mean, depth doesn't frequent Bella Napoli. Only the well kept and kind of snobby do, and it was killing my faith in humanity a little, being treated like I was a servant and not a server.

10. So now I'm home, mulling over my life, knowing that this post is going to come out waaay too long. But it's okay. This makes up for all of the non-posting that I have done. Maybe I'll finish my masquerade mask, start on my texture project, maybe even do my final project if I'm feeling frisky. And then I can mull some things over some more.

11. The only thing that could have made this day so much better, was if I were able to see my love :) Maybe tomorrow? Wish me luck :)

Soup :(

I feel soooo gross

Silly sinus infections

Although that Deadly Nightshade stuff is working wonders.

And even though its about 80 degrees outside, I still feel like eating soup. That's when you know you're sick :(

Maybe I'll even take a picture of it if I get some.

I hope I do

Wish me luck on my quest for soup!

Antiquity

I haven't really been updating these past couple of days. Mainly because I've been dizzy and sluggish. It's odd. Lots of lightheadedness no matter what I do. Oh well, I'm sure it will pass.

Also, I've been battling off a sinus infection. And I actually think that I may be winning the fight with the help of these guys: Featured left: Echinacea, Oregano oil (sooo hardcore) and Vitamin C.

I've actually been feeling pretty weathered lately, and it's starting to get to me because usually around spring time, I'm feeling pretty chipper. Hopefully this all just goes away really soon.

School wise, things are alrighty since the last time I wrote. My art history II class is finally starting to interest me now that we're out of the Greeks and Romans. Not that they're not interesting, it's just that their art is exactly the same.

Can you tell the difference???

And to be honest, I've never cared much for either civilization anyway. Now, we're going into Late Antiquity and I never thought that I would say this but I've never been more excited to study me some Christian Art. I'm also getting really stressed over a documentary that I have to film for English. I say "I" even though it's a group project because I seem to be the only person in the group who really cares if it gets done or not. Ugh. This is why I hate working in groups...

And finally my life in general is kind of lacking I suppose. I have major cabin fever and I've never been more anxious to go out on adventures. But I have no one to go out on those adventures with. Especially now that the mister is expecting the return of his damn xbox. I'll never see him again :(

Kerouac Alley

Regarding yesterday's post, I never did go to ballet.. I was too lazy, and instead went to my love's house and cuddled. It was a pretty uneventful day actually, but time seemed to fly by so fast.

That's what I hate about the year turning into summer. If you're like me and you try to judge the time based on where the sun is in the sky, you understand how warmer weather messes everything up. You look at the sky, the sun is barely going down, you think "oh nice! I have all the time in the world." And then BAM! It's nine o' clock, and if you're also like me, the will to work on anything also ends at nine o' clock.

Speaking of work: I miss it. I'm starting to realize, I'm not a beatnik, and I could never possibly be a beatnik. I admire the philosophy though. Being perfectly content with not having anything really, but still being perfectly happy about it. The fact that I can't be like that anymore scares me so badly. I need the security of a job, and I need to know that I'm providing for myself, and for my future and for anyone else who needs the money that my job provides. Also, it's killing me to just be doing nothing. ALL DAY

If anything, this whole going without a job nonsense has just made me feel stressed and guilty. It feels like I've taken several steps back instead of forward. And it's so frustrating.

But we'll see, hopefully things will look up, and I'll be back in the job market in no time.

P.S. Anyone know of any server openings anywhere???

High

Hopes to get some of this done today:

Image via Danzaballet.com

Maybe not as hardcore as Vaganova, but I definitely miss dancing. And I'm definitely not getting into shape by laying around eating lime Lime Lay's and Ben&Jerry's all day.

So hopefully they open the studios in Fox Fine Arts on Sundays, and I can go and get some stretching going on.

Then who knows? Today doesn't seem like much of an adventure sort of day though. If anything, it seems like a good day for a snuggle. But we'll see how that goes.

Spring Formal

I have decided that from now on, I'm going to write a post for every day until my birthday (may 6) oooorrr.... until I feel that Spring has ended in my eyes. I just feel strange because usually, Spring is my favorite time of year. It's always refreshing and always brings about some kind of positive change in my life. But this year, something feels broken, and none of that good stuff is going for me. So I'll write a blog post for each day, so I can read over them, and see what Spring has brought me this year.

I'll back track a bit. Yesterday was a bit odd. Full of tension and a bit of anger, then nothing but love, then tension and anger all over again.

I guess you could say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday morning. I woke up cranky and without feeling for anyone's emotions but my own. But towards the middle of the day, things lightened up. I went out with the mister, we went to hobby lobby, the mall, and then I dragged him with me to the wetlands.

I LOVE the wetlands. They're representative of everything that is Spring to me. Even though we missed the ducks :( The hike was nice and made me realize how much I miss exercising. I miss getting my body moving like bodies were meant to do.

The view at the end was beautiful though. Being in nature around something so pretty with someone that you love so much is probably

one of the best feelings in the world. (Picture included!)

My night ended up fizzling after that, but today, even though it wasn't fantastic or anything, made up for it. There's nothing more curative in the world than an good shower. Especially one with those awesome Dead Sea products. Now I'm snuggling up in my bed with some lime Lay's and Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon. Life should be good for tonight :)

Featured left: my dinner

Easter?

Yesterday was a pretty lovely day. Probably one of the best Easter's that I've ever had. Probably due to the fact that I wasn't really celebrating Easter.

- I woke up, and tried eating some nasty concoction that I thought would taste really good. It was potatoes, beans, some salsa, and a fried egg on top. Usually when my ex-boss's parents made it for me it was really delicious. And it did taste good, for like the first three bites, and then I got this nasty feeling and had to throw it out :( I felt so bad.

- Then I got a chance to try those beauty products that I was scammed into buying and I think those products are the best rip off that I have ever paid for in my life. I have yet to see the true effects of the facial cleanser, although it did make my face all shiny. But the body scrub was wonderful. I used it before I shaved and it made me soooo smooth for the rest of the day. I definitely recommend it to anyone who likes being smooth!

-I then got dressed in my new favorite dress with those earrings that I destroyed and went with my mother to the store. It was packed

-I then went to my wonderful boyfriends house who is thankfully feeling loads better. We hung around with his family, cuddled, and watched several hours of Life on the Discovery channel. It's a beautiful show. We also indulged in Cash Cab and the hand slap game.

Unfortunately, I lent my camera to the mister so that he could take some pictures for me, so yesterday can't be documented until later :/

But today I will just use my phone to take pictures of my color gradient, my collage, and hopefully lots of lime lays.

Dear Gustav,

Someday I hope to create Art Nouveau:

Gustav Klimt

via www.videoposter.com

Mini Adventures part 2

I've realized that I don't give my blogspot as much attention as my
tumblr, so here is an image dense post to make up for lost time:

I've been having a lot of solo mini adventures lately. Today I went to the mall

I ate lunch at the Greenery:

I ate potato soup

(featured left)

And I ate what's called a Garden Pita (featured right) Not too bad actually. It's like a veggie pattie inside a pita that stuffed with bean sprouts. And dressed with a sort of Americanized tzatziki sauce. Not bad at all. It was tasty as well as filling.

I also bought a set of beauty products that I really didn't mean to buy. I usually try to avoid the Dead Sea kiosk. But the line that got me today was when Salesman said "This will really help with your nose." I happen to have a zit

on my nose that I'm a bit sensitive about, and that was a great sales pitch. Featured left: Onsen Facial

Peel & Obey Your Body kiwi body scrub. (he threw that in for free!)

I also bought a pair of earrings to go with a new dress (not featured). They were hardcore and made my ears hurt. So I stripped them. Here are the earrings after I ripped them apart pl

aced next to all of the left over metal:

And here is my ear wearing one of those earrings:

Actually...

I'm pretty lonely. I quit my job about two weeks ago. It's been two weeks since I've had friends. So now...?

Hello Blogspot :)