Year One

So I'm pretty sure you're not going to read this, at least I don't think you will seeing as how you've never been much of a blog type of person.

But today was our one year anniversary. It was exactly one year ago since that night when we laid out on the side of your house, sprawled out on top of your Batman blanket and watched for falling stars. Exactly one year ago since we started rekindling the love that we would have shared years ago if we both had the wisdom then that we do now. Exactly one year ago since you asked me to be your girlfriend.
And just recently, you asked me to share the rest of my life with you. And I answered yes with the same enthusiasm that I did one year ago.
I love you Derick
I hope you know that you still give me butterflies

Mr. Blue Sky

I have ELO stuck in my head. Oh my :)

Oh what a crazy couple of days...

So about two days ago I wrote a very angsty post about how my boyfriend had been incarcerated, and reading that post now, even I think I was being a tad dramatic. I mean, I completely meant everything that I said, but even at that point I knew in the back of my mind that he's tough and he's smart and that he would be safe. Another adjective that I've given him lately is brave. I don't know that I will ever own the courage that is needed to take the blame for the actions of one of my friends. Especially when the penalty for that blame is jail. But I have to say, watching him be that loyal and that brave made me love him all the more...

So here are couple of updates:

- I bought an SLR. And trust me, if I weren't so madly in love with this camera, I would be having a serious case of buyer's remorse right now. Soooo expensive. Well, to a person who is currently jobless, it was expensive. But while Derick and I were wandering up and down the aisles of Best Buy, I spotted the camera, and our eyes locked across a crowded showroom floor. I turned to Derick, pointed at the devilishly handsome Canon Rebel XS and said "I want it, and I'm getting it." He understood my desire and, being the awesome boyfriend that he is, even offered to pay half. But it wouldn't have been morally right to let him pay for my impulse buys so I whipped out my debit card and was the happiest girl on earth... Until about a couple of hours later when the reality of how much money I had spent sunk in. But I have decided to just not think about it :D

On the plus side, this means lots and lots and lots of pictures will be coming soon, and I have to say that I'm pretty excited.

- Also, Derick wants to get me an Xbox. Actually, he's been wanting to for a long timenow. But I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of electronic commitment. I mean, I do want to start playing more video games. And that's just something that's handy to have. But sooo much money goes into it (this coming from the lady who just dropped a good part of her soul on a camera). You have to get Live, and controllers, and a headset, and games... my head is spinning. Although, I feel myself caving, and I don't think it will be long until Derick finally convinces me. But whatever, I do need to start playing more video games anyway :D

Oh dear, what am I going to do with all of these electronics?

Hell

And so ends one of the longest, most hellish, most sleepless nights of my entire life.
Long story short, Derick is holed up in county.
He didn't do anything bad - at least not to the extent that I consider bad.
We were pulled over last night
I was patted down, told to sit on the sidewalk, and was forced to watch as my boyfriend was interrogated and later handcuffed and led to the back of a squad car
Yeah, I felt pretty helpless
And really really angry
But I don't think a cop would have appreciated me telling him to get his dirty paws off of my boyfriend

But the search and the experience with the police was the easiest part of my night.
I haven't slept
At all
Unless you count the thirty minutes when I accidentally dozed off around five thirty and woke up at six
I'm still wearing last nights clothes and makeup
I've got mascara circled around my eyes from sobbing into my pillow every ten minutes
And I've got to say that knowing that the person you love is in fucking county jail, surrounded by the real criminals has got to be the most sickening, most heartbreaking, most torturous feeling in the world.
Especially when you know the real story behind what happened.

Luckily I just received a phone call from him.
He says he's doing fine, and even though I know that they're not about to send him to work making license plates, I'm still worried sick for him
And I guess that him being fine is all that I can ask for in a situation like this.
But damn if I wasn't kicking myself all night for not doing things differently
Not even like the big things that would have changed the course of the night
But the small things
No matter how many times a day you hug the person you love, you don't realize that it's not enough until something like this happens
For all the times Derick and I have shared an "I love you", last night, it just didn't seem like enough. If I had known what was going to happen, "I love you" would have been the only thing that I would have said to him all day.

And while we're on the subject of "I love you", why is that the only phrase we have for something like that???
I'm sorry, but when I finally got that call from Derick, saying I love you just wasn't good enough for what I felt for him right then.
I love you x 1000000000000000000000 would have been much more accurate. But the English language doesn't have a phrase for that yet. I say we invent one


--------- Update ---------

So Derick is now home safe and sound and I'm finally breathing easier. Phew!